Speedy Gambling

Direct Answers – Column for the week of January 6, 2003

What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.

At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. One of the problems is my wife’s response when I asked if she would like to do this project together. She told me we have more important things to work on and even said, “They are mostly your friends. You can do them yourself!”

The cards are only the tip of the iceberg as far as our problems go. I wish I could hear some kind of answer from her like, “Yes, honey, why don’t we?” Part of me feels like doing them myself and signing my name only because I thought wives were supposed to take care of this.

Ladd

Ladd, the new year is a time for new beginnings. Do it! Get enough stamps, write the cards all at once, and mail them before you lose your nerve. Nearly everyone appreciates a heartfelt apology, and during the holiday season nearly everyone is in a good mood.

Spend a few moments to rough out the message. A thank you coupled with a simple statement of regret for waiting so long is enough. You might say better late than never, or you might mention you’ve often thought of their gift and realized they haven’t been thanked. If you remember what they gave, mention it. If not, don’t worry about it. Use whatever expression comes naturally.

You never have to apologize for your own marital challenges. They are your business and no one else’s. Don’t worry about how people will take your thank you notes. Almost everyone will think well of you for having the courage to act.

This issue is bothering you. Evidently it doesn’t bother your wife. Since the doing is to satisfy you, her participation is not required. Don’t let the little negative voice within you make you fail to act just because she is unwilling to act.

Sign both names to the cards. The gift givers are not part of that problem. The point is to thank them. Once you get past this burden, you can look at other problems in your relationship. Perhaps this is your inner nature saying, With a little effort I can solve the problems which are weighing on me.

Wayne & Tamara

Terms Of Endearment

Without typing a page on how faithful I am, let me just say I love my wife very much. However, I am not sure if she has feelings for another man. In three years of marriage this thought never occurred to me before.

Recently we moved and transferred jobs. We both work long hours. Whenever I called her at work or she called me, she always called me honey or anything but my first name. Since we’ve been together it’s always been this way when we talk on the telephone. Until now. Now she calls me Stan when a certain male coworker of hers is near.

I guess the reason I realized this is because it sounded so strange to hear. I am not the jealous type but this has me wondering. Am I reading too much into this? I have not noticed any other change in her whatsoever.

Stan

Stan, next time you talk to your wife at work and she calls you by name, try this. Tell her you are feeling the need for a little reassurance. Ask her to tell you she loves you, and ask her, for your peace of mind, to call you darling.

If she refuses or jokes her way out of your request, tell her when she gets home you would like to discuss something that’s been on your mind.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

In our work with growing businesses we see a recurring theme when it is time for one of the founding members to hand over the reigns of sales and/or marketing to an employee. They say to us, “This new person just isn’t getting the job done like I did. Well, I guess it’s because they don’t know the product like I do.” While it is true that the new person probably doesn’t know the product as well as one of the founders, that’s not the problem. The problem is passion!

When you talk to a small business owner you can see, hear, feel, smell and taste their passion for their product. In many cases we could almost say they are inseparable from each other. When the new person arrives we make the transition from a person for whom this product or service is a life’s passion, to someone who is doing something because it is their job. Knowledge of a product’s features and benefits can be taught, but passion needs to be imbued into the fabric of the organization as it grows.

To do this, two things need to occur. First, the sales and marketing employees need to have a stake in what’s going on, and have an inbred tendency toward passion. All good salespeople have this passion. Typically, the passion is viewed, by the customer, to be a passion for the product or service that the seller is peddling. In reality, the passion stems from the monetary and intrinsic compensation that the salesperson receives for doing his or her job well. Second, the owners of a company need to take special care, and use intense creativity to ensure that their passion is communicated internally and externally, and that this zeal permeates the entire organization. It is in this area where it often useful to find an outside creative team that will get to know your organization inside and out, and work with you over the long term to assist in transforming the enthusiasm of the founders into the culture of the company.

Gaetan Giannini is the Department Chair and Assistant Professor at Cedar Crest College in Allentown, Pa. He is also an independent, marketing speaker and consultant. He can be reached at 610-606-4666 x 3427 or gtgianni@cedarcrest.edu

Maybe it’s the holiday season or maybe it’s just me. Everyone and everything has been light-hearted and nostalgic and I’ve been having a hard time getting into the spirit.

During this past week Joyce Meyer’s television show “Enjoying Everyday Life” featured humorous stories and re-enactments of very funny incidents in her life. I watch the show routinely as I get ready for work. Last year, she decided to change the format and has been teaching and preaching about what she believes is our highest call – to enjoy God. Gradually, her show has been becoming more and more light. Sometimes, it is hysterical. She manages to mix some very serious matters like Hurricane Katrina relief and young people in recovery with how not letting self-pity overwhelm us.

Every challenge can be met with a Bible promise and every Bible promise can be met with a challenge. Many years ago, a friend told me about delivering her first child. She felt like she could handle the labor, but she desperately wanted a break.

Some of us rely on moments of relief so we can find inspiration. We need the breaks to pull ourselves together and gain strength. I lost my mother before she could tell me that there would be times when the break would not come quickly. Like a boxer, you have to trust that your training and reflexes are enough because the bell doesn’t ring when you want it to, it rings when the round is over.

There is always irony. While some of us are in the ring bobbing and weaving, others are rested and happily moving forward. At least, that’s what I noticed this week. Happy people are everywhere. I tried really hard to be one of them. One of our students, Deborah, came by with her little boy, Joseph. Joseph is way past cute, he is a magazine cover waiting to happen. He was one of the happy people. He headed straight for my dish of lollipops. Joseph didn’t notice the piles of papers that needed to be read or the books that needed to be reviewed, or the appointment reminders popping upon my computer, he went right for the good stuff!

OK, he is a baby, but aren’t we all on some level? He found everything that is interesting in my office. He gravitated toward the things that looked good, smelled good, or could possibly taste good. I couldn’t take my eyes off this little bundle of energy. I decided a long time ago that babies exist to teach us and to remind us of what is important. His mother presented a bag from her workplace. Deborah knows that I work with local crisis centers and wanted them to have the goodies.

I looked in the bag and saw all kinds of neat things. Soft fabrics, bright colors, and shiny stones. I called it “a bag of pretty.” It was a nice surprise and I knew that the ladies at the centers would enjoy them. So, I called Hale County Crisis Center, but Kay Harris, the Executive Director was on the phone and then heading to a meeting. In other words, she was in the middle of Round 4 and mentally preparing for Round 5! I personally delivered the bag of pretty and tried my best to give Kay some encouragement.

Growing up in Philadelphia, I noticed that Texas women dominated beauty pageants and cheerleading. It might be a stereotype, but those were my thoughts as a little girl. As a woman, I realize that all of those Miss Americas and Dallas Cowgirls had powerful lessons for all of us. None of us are immune from the struggles of life. Little things can make the difference between a knockout and a victory. Never underestimate the power of accessories! Noticing what is beautiful is the break between the battles.

Dr. LaMar researches, writes, and speaks about mentoring relationships among professional women. She also consults with growing businesses about how personality and processes can affect workplace dynamics. Her books “God Provides The Sacrifice: Women Discuss Making Their Hardest Decision” and “Drama Free Workplace” can be purchased in e-book format and paperback from her web sites or by calling 806-203-4094.
http://www.DrLaMar.com
http://www.DramaFreeWorkplace.com
http://www.PhenomenalWomansGuide.com